I still do all the cooking when I visit her, and she helps with my laundry if she stays with me. Without discipline army is reduced to a disordered mob, democracy degenerates into monocracy and social life becomes chaotic and anarchical. One of the easiest ways to train yourself to have greater discipline is to mirror the examples of self-discipline in other people. Great article! For those who quote “spare the rod….” In biblical times a “rod” was considered a standard, a measurement, like a cord of wood. I really need your help around here, and then we can all have more fun.” Then let them choose what they want to do. My oldest son would randomly just shove his brother when he was an infant (just about old enough to crawl/get into things). Self-discipline is the ability to be honest about your actions or behavior even “Your car seat stays strapped until the car is off” is one. Although many people don’t realize this, growing your self-discipline affects every aspect of your life in a good way. And is seems in their 70s, my parents are STILL angry and I can’t figure it out. it’s SO IMPORTANT they apologize when necessary, no exceptions. Well enough ranting. The biggest take away here is going to be “Know your child, and problem solve together.”. Day 3.. not so much. As one of your seniors, I am here to hold an interactive session with you all and also to deliver a speech on discipline. I don’t answer to rudeness. This includes an ability to suppress or redirect negative or unproductive emotions. We found that explaining him what the rules are for helps tons. self-discipline to watch what you eat and drink in the first place. There is no difference between spanking and hitting. The great men have made mark in their lives, because they strictly follow their goals with all the earnestness and sincerity. They don’t believe you won’t spank them again. I tried spanking – she’s to busy to notice; I tried hugging her and asking her to stop, saying that I love her and so on – she may even hit me if I’m trying to stop her from hitting things; explanation and conversation – DOESN’T WORK. A bath, a favorite book or TV show, a cup of tea, whatever it is that you enjoy. Wouldn’t it be more accurate to stick with your own experience, as you did state, and not possibly offend other parents who do use spanking as discipline, are very careful to never spank out of anger, and do spend lots of time cuddling and loving their children afterwards? She asked if I do timeouts yet and i explained that we do not take that approach. It makes for an arrogant, unrepentant adult, who doesn’t care what other people feel. The younger set, from around a year to 2 and a half is a bit different. I try to give him grade and calmly correct him in most situations but I cannot and will not put up with behavior that God calls sinful. If you strike him with the rod, you will save his soul from Sheol. I clean as I go. Self-Discipline. One of us will lie down with him until he’s settled. Thank you , Here’s an article you may like: https://modernalternativemama.com/2015/02/06/child-runs-street/. For some reason when people set goals, they think that they When people learn discipline, they learn to react based on thoughts and rationale instead of feelings. First I have to answer this. Life is short and that takes way too much energy. My 22 mon old daughter recently started ISR swim classes. I have made a LOT of mistakes as a parent, and I wish I could take them back (spanking, yelling, etc.) We don’t do Cane sugar or any desserts b4 bed. I think, well I hope, we can all agree that the type of discipline discussed in the Old Testament is child abuse today. There is a whole big list of articles approved by Psychology Today (some even on how hitting/spanking affects the brain). Gratification delay is a key factor in success. […] check out this post, 9 Examples of Positive Discipline, for practical examples of how I might handle specific situations. In nature all the planets move in their orbit; the seasons change in accordance with a set order, day and night follow each other at regular intervals, Man must take lessons from Nature. I could have written this! I want to challenge you to start doing the little things you know you should do. I’m extremely open-minded but I’ve seen children who never witness the fear of a spanking, they are in control, not the parents. Importance of Discipline in Student life . She keeps at it and becomes furious when I ignore her screaming “Mama!!! spanking definitely doesn’t work with her, she is one tough little woman. You know your child best. I go in and say good night to each alone and then Daddy goes in to do a final “tuck” and say good night, and then they are down. I am curious what you do for bedtime! achieve the bigger goal. 1. I am wondering how can I start all over with my three year old without spanking. A supportive environment in which to do so. My little guy is 9 months old. He can’t be close to her without making her cry. Until that happens, we do a lot of “positive discipline” all the time, and there doesn’t seem to be lack of opportunity for either that sort of correction or spankings. But if they are happy and want to please me, they will do it. 3. This habit makes you an achiever in your life. The rod references a shepherd’s staff, used to guide an errant sheep (or child) back to safety or the correct path. But as I read your examples, I realized that I haven’t put my 3 year old on a time out for months now because it never comes to that. Not pain or violence but a wake up call. It cannot possibly cover all situations and will not work for all children. Either way, she teaches some important things about self-discipline and leadership. Other than that, just watch her and don’t leave her alone with him if at all possible. We refuse to do meds & I don’t think it’s bad enough where he needs them anyways. The children are physically separated if necessary and we ask what is going on. I thought some people might be interested in the psychology of spanking and actual research. If it was, everyone would do it. Anything dealing with serious health/safety issues is a firm, no-matter-what rule. Employees who concentrate on their work rather than interfering in their colleague’s finish their work on time and do not have to sit beyond the working hours. Every parent and child are different, have different personalities and different needs. I wish people would stop using spanking and hitting as if they meant the same thing. I struggle with positive discipline and can always use more inspiration! Then I’m able to sit at my desk and write for an hour. We clean up before lunch everyday and they don’t join us at the table until they’re finished. They don’t have that threat immediately looming over them, either. I involve them in cooking and learning to make their own healthy options, and I keep lots of healthy options around. So bottom line, I give them a few choices from the options I consider okay, and I don’t keep anything around the house normally that I would hate for them to eat (and if we did, like if my husband wanted something that I wouldn’t give them, we’d hide it). is mistaken. The instructor mentioned that my daughter pinched her and said she “doesn’t do pinching”. In the political sphere also, personal ambitions do come on the way and therefore they pose danger to the society. This usually happens while out. Not spanking, but consequences. I definitely disagree with you on spanking (particularly in that there is a right and wrong way to do it), but I loved a lot of the ways you handled situations in this article. Thanks! You might be missing the “opportunity” if they are getting a second wind as you are putting them to bed — perhaps try starting your bedtime routine 30 minutes earlier. It’s a long process. Time out and the rest great. Don’t worry if these habits seem foreign to However, it is clearly built upon Proverbs 13:24: “Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” (Of course there are others that also refer to it but this is the main one used as validation.). This is exactly how we handle these situations in our home (our kids are 3 and 1). To far left is not balance. It feels excellent to welcome our juniors in our esteemed ABC College. . And you have to ask yourself which battles you want to fight. Is it a game to him…or does he feel disconnected with you? If you do not conquer your self, you will be conquered by your self ~ Napoleon Hill . In order to succeed a child needs: So to that end, I found this post extremely helpful! I have taken away messy toys/games because they would not clean them up. Whether it is God’s discipline, self-discipline, child discipline, etc. These are all basically good, logical consequences that I would use. My husband and I were both spanked as kids and both of us grew up feeling so very loved by our parents and we knew that our parents didn’t spank us in anger. Redirection is big from 12 – 18/20 months. Let’s look at three real and personal examples. However she still has not outgrown them and in fact they seem to be worse now that she’s older. The rod corrected the course for the sheep. Since they want to be out and not home with Daddy, this is usually effective. If I feel that I am angry and just want to hit him bc of his behavior, then I know that’s my anger talking and the consequences in that situation won’t be effective! Big […]. Do you an force the consequence immediately after the child does wrong, or do you give them one more chance, say what will happen if they don’t gain, and then enforce the consequence? I’ve implemented that same strategy in my life now as I do short power walks in my room to work up a sweat. Discipline is a key component to effective classroom management. I shared in another response that one of my kids is really resilient and is a true rock in a storm of chaos, and probably could “handle” being spanked (although has expressed to us previously “I don’t like being spanked. When you’re angry, your ability to think is diminished, and it’s so easy to revert to the old ways…even when you said you wouldn’t and are upset, later, that you did. It helps you to focus. So basically you have to be present, engaged, loving, and practice good basic personal boundaries with a little person over whom you have authority while respecting them as a sentient being who will become responsible for his or her actions. Leave me alone!” instead of hitting if someone is bugging him. Time management is an example of such techniques of discipline that uses time as a regulator and employs the time observance as a governor. When things got tough I convinced myself that this was only a phase and these tantrums would be a thing of the past soon. Importance of Discipline in Student life. Self discipline helps you to focus on your goals. Good luck. time and energy. We tell him he can play quietly, then he makes as much noise as possible. My kids never had tantrums in stores either. I’m guessing if they have control over what they do and you talk to them like adults, that they will be better about it. It is currently -37 c so going outside is not an option). If they are talking to someone else, I will pull them aside and tell them what they said was rude and give them the words to try again — then ask them to go say the nicer thing and I suggest they apologize for having been rude. 2. […]. Long-term thinking allows you to achieve A 6-year-old dresses himself right after breakfast without needing a reminder. I usually give the one chance, saying what will happen if they do it again. The hook was/is used to Guide and protect the flock not discipline or strike. I like all of these – I think they are great! Everyone is different. The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. She/He is feelings & emotions. I spank to train and discipline. But what about the REAL stuff? consistent energy levels. Your Priorities are Lined Up. Required fields are marked *. Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you strike him with a rod, he will not die. It is the word “She’vet” in hebrew which literally means rod, staff, branch, offshoot, club, sceptre, tribe. You discipline yourself to go to the gym every day. When understanding the uses of the rod/hook during Biblical times it helps one see how it better applies to raising children by GUIDING and PROTECTING them with the “rod” NOT striking them. First, “beating with a rod” really meant to beat your child, to the point of bruising, but without causing permanent damage or breaking any bones. So I really do not know how to deal with her right now. Also coud you give me advice on how to handle when she runs off from me in a parking lot? One of mine will refuse to clean up and continue playing and ignoring all instructions, but when it comes down to everyone eating and that child is not, the kid quickly and calmly cleans up. I could say “No, don’t hit the cat” 4264 times and the kid will keep doing it — or I can say “Come listen to music with me” and that’s the end of hitting the cat. and that never stopped it. their lives. ” Please dont hit the cat because it hurts her and it makes her sad. We protect. They do not like going to bed without me (although they will if I am really unavailable), but having both of us helps to cut down on shenanigans, plus we both get to say good night. Discipline is not boring; it’s the freedom to put all our energy into creating something meaningful and beautiful. I see that you remove them from the situation, discuss the behavior, etc. A lot neater than mine, even! And then there are those at church who still say “we don’t spank enough anymore and that’s what’s wrong with our kids” and they almost refuse to learn any other way. I was spanked as a child, quite a bit in fact, but I’ve never felt damaged or mistreated because of it. It is plausible that discipline shapes the life of a person and creates a uniformity in life, as it designs the life of a person in systematic way. I’m not writing this so that you can judge my parenting and tell me I’m “not doing it right.”  I’m not writing this because I have all the answers. So, I don’t think “not spanking” is necessarily wrong, but maybe not effective for every instance. When doing something wrong he always says that he “forgot, sometimes he even has a smirk on his face which is very frustrating”. I have never observed discipline working like you suy it does at your house. Kids sometimes misbehave because they got what you don’t want them to do, but they don’t know what to do instead. If rudeness were to continue, directed at me, I would not do what they wanted and would tell them I would be ready to talk when they were ready to do so nicely. If they ran in the street, we would go inside and be done playing immediately. This is of course my opinion, but it is an opinion based on experience. I don’t want this to be a problem when we are out and I ask her to come to me if she wanders too far away or something like that. For example, if you feel most energized in the afternoon each day, then it might be best to schedule your most challenging task at that time. We were well behaving children, did not dare to disrespect our parents, or other adult, reacted promptly to all requests and did our chores. I pulled away from my mother and never had that close bond she liked to tell people she shared with her terrified daughter. My oldest son did hit, but as it’s been awhile now since I’ve spanked him, he is much more likely to yell “I don’t like that! There’s a whole lot of “discipline.” Discipline means to teach and train, which we absolutely do. !” It just is hard. Since they are older, I would sit down with them and lay it out: “We made mistakes. Discipline is the habit of action according to some rules an regulations. Habit is a regular routine or tendency. you more productive. I literally cannot leave her alone for less than 1 minute because she will be doing something. And you just never know. We also talk him through his feelings when he is overwhelmed. We watch and encourage and teach children how not to stray. Positive discipline works for us! I have told them that they can talk with him, and do other things but no spanking or hitting. A popular self-development If only there were a parenting manual! * Going to work when I hate my job and would like to stay home. Thanks for these examples. Come up with a plan together. I definately don’t believe it is wrong to spank out of love, in fact we need to if the children aren’t grasping what is sinful behavior, such as lying, complaining and whining constantly, blatant disobedience bc he/she wants to do what they want to do! I am writing this to provide one example of what works for us. BUT if they don’t stay in their beds, ‘We will be too tired in the morning and we won’t be able to go.’ It is going to take a couple weeks of being consistent with the new rules and routine for them to actually be calm with it, the transition is often hard. I’m so happy we did and I would never go back…my children’s behavior is actually better now than when we spanked!! So I’m trying to figure out how not to argue with them when we visit when there are altercations/disobedience between cousins!! 4. I think lots of people have been spanked and have no problems. If they don’t have the option of eating junk, they won’t eat junk. He yells and hits when he doesn’t get whatever he wants when he asks for it . Referring to our ability to succeed in life at any endeavor, Aristotle once said, “Good habits formed at youth make all the difference.” We can’t form those good habits without having a handle on our ability to discipline our actions and behaviors. Seriously we dread bedtime – it can take 3-4 hours from lights out to sleep. We’ve been over being gentle, staying off of him, out of his face, etc and told her it could hurt him or its not nice. He has anger issues now. Our sticking out her tongue at people, that drives me nuts. It has been a long, hard road since I decided two years ago that I didn’t want to spank anymore. I am about crazy trying to figure out what to do to get him to stop. But then, I turned it around, and started asking him if he was sad. I have been praying about this very thing, how to discipline and disciple and be loving and not yell, yada yada yada! It’s not typically done “the right way” anyway. 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